Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Uhmmm. No.

Today begins a great adventure.  Last week, while at my doctor's office, I told my doctor of my excruciating ankle pain.  It's so bad, especially in the mornings, that I can barely walk.  Some days, I would happily consent to a bilateral amputation (no exaggeration).

So, she ran some tests.  Today, I visit to find out if it's Rheumatoid Arthritis, as the lab tests are indicating.

I'm not going to have that.  Nor, will I have Lupus, also a possibility.  I like "ankle pain" alot better.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Square Peg / Round Hole.

And, so, here we are, at the beginning of August, time for football season to begin.  My son wants to play football, which is a pretty big deal with someone with Autism. 

The simple act of picking up his gear was overwhelming and scary for him, the noises, the coaches, the kids running all about.  The sports physical sent him right into his shell.  He lost his papers.  I became frustrated.  He cried in the car.  I cried in my room.
So, here we go.  6th Grade.  A young adult, who, only a few months ago, learned how to tie his shoes.  BUT...he can solve math equations in his head,  he knows every baseball and football stat you can imagine.  He knows, and charted the weather for four consecutive years.  He wants to play football with his classmates.

Do they view him as a "classmate?"  I don't know, but he is MY SON. 

And, until I take my last breath, I will continue to advocate on his behalf, hold his sobbing body, smile and tell him it will all be ok, mama's right here...

...and, privately, I will sob.

Can he play football in an organized league?  We will try. 

Thursday, August 5, 2010

A human BE-ing.

I have made an important decision.  Today, I was inspired (again) by my gardens, while watering them, I realized, they don't really need me.  Flowers have been around for millions of years before me, and will be here again, after I have left this earth.  Why?  They're just flowers.  They seek the Light.  They ask for nothing, they have nothing, but they render joy.

I am however, A Human Being.  A person.  With thoughts, emotions, love, pain, desires, wants, needs, and all types of other egotistical things that go along with it. 

So, I am going to concentate alot LESS on being a Human DO-ing...and MORE on being a human BE-ing.  I'm just going to be.  I shan't force anything.  I shall not yearn for more "things".  I will let my flowers grow, and feed them with Light, love, and spirit.   Feels better already.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me.  Speaking words of wisdom: Let it be, let it be.